10 Suggestions for a "Conscious" Relationship

1. Realize that love exists to fulfill profound needs and heal deep wounds. Don't focus exclusively on surface needs and desires.

2. Let go of the illusion that your partner is the ultimate answer to all of your problems. Remember that your partner (like you) is "just" a human being, with (like you) occasional flaws and weaknesses.

3. Take responsibility for communicating your needs and desires. Don't expect your partner to read your mind.

4. Interact with your partner in an intentional, conscious manner. Don't react without thinking.

5. Value your partner's needs and desires as highly as your own. (In an unconscious relationship, you assume your partner's sole role is to take care of your needs.)

6. Take responsibility for your dark side. Recognize the fact that you, like everyone else, have negative characteristics.

7. View your partner as a resource for meeting your needs. Don't harangue, cajole or demand that your partner satisfy all your wants and desires.

8. Search within yourself for strengths and abilities you seem to be lacking. Personal growth is essential to a relationship.

9. Become more aware of your basic drive to be a loving, caring person and a unique individual.

10. Realize that a successful relationship requires hard work and a willingness to grow and change – plus the courage to allow for your partner's own process of growth and change.

(adapted from Getting the Love You Want, by Harville Hendrix)